Deep Breaths Please

I think it's so amazing how the world can look one way for a moment and in the next is something entirely different. There are so many variables I find it amazing that humans as a species are able to comprehend and react accordingly. Entire networks of relationships realign themselves without rhyme nor reason. People you think are here to stay take off, and those you thought you'd never hear from again find a way back into your life. And in this moment of reflection... I'm glad for it.

Not because i embrace change. It scares me to death. But more so because I fear that things may stay the same. For a person who doesn't like themselves for who they are or what they experience I imagine this to really be the most comforting thing in the world. The ability to mend your past. To reconcile our future to fit goals the we constantly reset. While in the end we are entirely a product of our surroundings I find no greater solace in this moment than to know it's my decision what those surroundings are. Who I associate with, what I do for myself, and even where I choose to reside, be it a residence or otherwise. A resolution for a better outcome is the only difference between being content and miserable.

So there is my vague thought of the day as well as my first post in a couple months. To end things on a different thought... my legs are pasty and white. This summer weather is not going to be good to me. And also, who wants to road trip? I need to get away. Let's go together.

Satisfy your audials

Gym class heroes, my friends. Dig them. Not the radio stuff either. Find the albums and just lay back and enjoy.

No one cares what else I have to say.

Why I'm pretty amazing

So I cooked off a couple lamb racks today. They were excellent. That is all.

The calming effect of human contact

I feel a huge wave of relief coming over me today. Had a godo talk with a friend yesterday and I think that's all it really took. Shaky feelings have been fairly predominant over the last week or two in concerns to a few aspects of my life, but looking back on things they all happen for a reason. And since I choose to believe what I like I think I intend to keep things that way.

Got told to pray as well. Thinking about it makes me wonder if it'd be right to head back to church. been a couple years since I've gone for something that wasn't a major religious holiday. Will it do anything for my spirit? Couldn't hurt. Plus I suppose I'd never know unless I tried. Still debating the validity of entrusting my desires to someone I'll never meet in person. I typically reserve that kind of relinquishment to Santa.

wanting a break from work. a few days of vacation would be so rad right now. A road trip into the great beyond with nothing but my provisions, music, and my car. Maybe the G man can answer that prayer.

Last thought, I think I've been too pushy with people lately. Things I should just drop aren't always dropped. I'll start taking a stance of non-involvement. frees up my time for more productive things, like watching my fish.

Who says it's a happy hour?

Haven't blogged in a while, figured i may as well. Today I'm finishing up some lists for a happy hour we're putting on at my restaurant now. Fun stuff. The food's pretty good, not to mention inexpensive.

Today's kind of a gross day though. This is despite fantastic weather because I won't be able to enjoy any of it. I can't wait for Friday so I can get paid and maybe have money again. Then some free time to spend it. On a much later note (as I've been working for the past few hours) I think I may be clinically depressed. How does one go about assessing this? Who knows? I need a hobby.