Nothing appropriate comes to mind

So I haven't written anything in quite some time. I believe it has to do with my usual laziness and lack of self actuation. But tonight, at 1:53 AM I feel particularly compelled to get it all out. Perhaps I really only write to get my feelings out in paper, or in this case, a text file. In any case, here's my story...

Tonight something real hit me; my friends, whom I've known for as little as a few months to as long as a decade all have lives of their own. In accordance with this they will also be leaving shortly to carry on with those lives just as I will pursue my own. I believe that this has struck me particularly hard because of the fact that I've made my friends my life. My entire world revolves around this collection of people, and for better or worse they have determined the standard of my life whether directly or indirectly. My friends have always treated me well and with respect and thus, my life has tended to be on the happier side of things. I think that because I had formed an attachment in this fashion I was able to avoid the usual worries about my future, what I wanted to study in college, keeping up good grades, and overall preparing for the long run without the people I currently knew and loved. And suddenly here it is. The end of the road for most of us. The point in every person's life when they are faced with a suddenly much broader view of life. Without the constraint of being forced to live at home under the iron first of one's parents many choose to spread their wings and get the hell out of there. To go to college, to get a job, to raise a family, vacation, take a religious pilgrimage, do whatever you've planned on doing since you were a child.

What did I plan to do again? That's it. The realization that I left myself behind. That nobody else is to blame. Did I have a great time? Yes. I had a wonderful childhood and I would never take it back for anything. But I need to start living by myself. This is the point where I need to stop worrying about someone calling me to go for a stroll through the park and take charge of things. My game plan needs to be drawn out. I need to stop trying to hold onto a past that's quickly fading away.

So there you have it. My mediocre revelation. I think that just typing how I feel has made a world of difference. For any friend who reads this, thank you. You have absolutely no idea how much you've meant to me. In fact, two of you in particular should have notes. I should write those soon.

Dear Megan,
I actually cried today. It was actually the reason I felt the need to post. If you should ever happen to read this I thought you should know. Jerk.
Love,
Chris